Change is hard at any time. We tend to avoid it because it brings up our insecurities and can require large amounts of confidence. When we are contemplating making a change we may question our ability to handle the change we are considering. A new job, a move, and even a hairstyle change can provoke anxiety. So add change into the mix when we are going through a breakup and we can be frozen and indecisive. Most of us aren’t feeling our most confident or secure when a relationship is ending. We can vacillate between thinking we are doing the [...]
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So far Bonnie Wims has created 22 blog entries.
Have you ever had a good friend break up with someone you couldn’t stand? Suddenly you feel free to speak truthfully about what you think of that person. You tell your friend how their ex wasn’t good enough for them and how they always really annoyed you... AND THEN THEY GET BACK TOGETHER!!!! It can be so awkward to have had the honest conversation with someone only to find they seem to have forgiven all and are happy and in love again. We are amazed at how the friend has forgotten all of the negatives about this partner they had [...]
A relationship breakup can be extremely painful and difficult to recover from. Many of us have gone through it and although there is no one right answer, there are some tips we can all use to help us survive. I get asked for advice on how to “get over a breakup” frequently and unfortunately there are no easy answers and there is no one way. However, there are things we can do to move us in the right direction toward recovery. Whether we just ended a 20 year marriage or a summer romance, we can all use some assistance in [...]
Years ago I began to get a nagging pain in my leg. At times it would randomly feel better but rarely if ever was the pain completely gone. Even when the sharp pain wasn’t around, the ache was present, like a shadow or a warning that the pain was still there, waiting to strike when I least expected it. The pain wasn’t remarkable, I’m sure many people have felt similar if not worse pain, but it did at times, keep me from walking far. What was remarkable was the way I chose to deal with it. I guess, you could [...]
I woke up happy today. The feeling of excitement and possibility mixed with a dash of contentment was humming inside my chest when I opened my eyes today. As I made coffee the feeling continued, making the chore effortless. As the milk warmed and I heard the steady stream of coffee percolating, I took a deep breath and enjoyed the moment. But then my mind started to work. You know that revving up of the engine that is our brain as it begins to think about what you have to do today, what you didn’t get done [...]
When I was 15 years old I was sent to see a psychologist. Although it wasn’t my idea, my family situation was complicated and as I remember it the adults in my life thought it might be helpful. I wasn’t exactly against the idea, and I do remember being curious to see what was “supposed” to happen to me during this thing called “therapy”. My therapist was a very nice man who was kind and he listened to my teenage self try to make sense of my fears and confusion at the time. What was different about talking with [...]
The other day I was having a conversation with someone about their therapy experience and I asked them what it was they found most and least helpful about the process. They shared many useful insights but there was one thing they mentioned that I felt was very interesting. They mentioned they wished they had a therapist that worked both as a therapist and as a life coach. We went on to talk a bit more about issues they thought were life coach problems and what things they believed were more appropriate for a therapist to tackle. This got me thinking [...]
While on a treadmill recently I listened to a podcast, reviewed my emails, and caught up on the family news with my sister. As I looked around the gym I noticed I wasn’t the only one. Many people were multitasking while exercising and it made me think about how much technology has changed the way we perform our everyday tasks. We have all adjusted to the convenience of having computers in our back pockets which has changed the way we do many things. As an online therapist I commonly work with people via a smartphone, tablet or a computer. My [...]
I was inspired this week by a quote that read in part, “find something deep within yourself that is truly you and cling to it” I wasn’t initially sure why it was so inspiring or why it spoke to me but as I found myself repeatedly going back to re-read the quote, I began to ask myself a few questions. How do I look within myself? How do I know if I have found “something” that is “truly” me? What do I do with it once I find it? I tried not to make it a big thinking exercise (as [...]
I’ve been thinking a lot about asking lately. Asking for what you need from someone else. I don’t know about you but there are times when I seem to think I should get a badge of honor for going without what I need. I recently heard myself say, “I’m finally asking because I’m desperate”. Why did I have to get desperate? The problem as I see it is we don’t want to feel vulnerable. What if I ask and they say no? How terrible would I feel if I’ve managed to peel away my brave face and was told I [...]