Helping Men to Build Relationships and Express Themselves, with Owen Marcus

Date: Feb 7, 2024 Duration: 39:10 min

Men often get left behind when it comes to therapy.

Owen Marcus, a coach who works with men to connect so that their relationships work, believes men are hungry for an environment where they can feel safe, and get connected in authentic ways to other men.

Owen trained and often taught with leaders in the fields of somatic and relationship therapies in the late 1970s and 1980s. Ron Kurtz and Peter Levine, Ph.D., taught him how to use body awareness as a powerful yet gentle way to produce significant change.

Men have been trained in different ways to perform, to fix, to solve problems; they are indoctrinated from a young age to do so. Female partners and spouses often ask for men to be able to empathize with their emotions.  Owen believes that men can be both masculine AND vulnerable, once they understand that it is okay to discuss emotions and feelings.

Sometimes you can’t go in straight in the front door. This therapeutic approach is a window that allows people to start thinking about things in a different way!


🧔 Owen is a coach who works with men: it seems like men often get left behind in therapy. 01:06

👨‍🦱 He was immersed in the somatic psychotherapy approach: men hardly talk about their emotions. 02:06

⚡ Hakomi method: using the body as a vehicle to create emotional change. 05:20

🌞 Men are good at fixing things, but they need connection: emotional connection with women happens when men are authentic in their own emotional language. 08:33

⚠️ We aren’t innately flawed: men do not feel they are enough, and they think they are trapped. 13:49

🚩 Men think they’re being emotional, by using emotional words, but they are not connecting emotionally. 18:37

😇 Men are hungry for an environment where they can feel safe, and get connected in really authentic ways to other men. 24:56🗣️ Practicing with other people and having a practicing arena for therapists and couples: learning new skills and having mutual help. 29:58

🤓 Physiology of stress, the emotional aspect of it, and the impact of culture: when the box of understanding expand, men have more space for relationships and changes in their lives. 33:10

🛑 Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal theory: shame runs rampant for men – stop the pathway in which you are wrong. 36:07

What Listeners Are Saying


Every month, I look forward to a new episode of Therapy Deconstructed. The way Bonnie weaves her own story through the episodes is captivating. She has a calm and nurturing voice, like the trusted friend you always turn to when you need solid advice. I always finish an episode feeling like she was talking directly to me.

Thomas MacInnes

As someone who had never gone to therapy, I found myself in a situation last year that was very sad, confusing and overwhelming for me and I was really unable to figure my way through it. I turned to Bonnie and she so graciously and effortlessly (seemingly) had so much empathy and compassion for my feelings and she truly helped me navigate getting my emotions and really my life back on track. I am very grateful for Bonnie and her wisdom, honesty, humor, candor but mostly for her compassion. I’m excited to listen to her podcast but would highly encourage anyone who is reading this to reach out to her. She really helped me and I am very thankful to have her in my corner.


Dr. Wims makes therapy digestible and even fun to learn about. Sometime therapy feels like a big mystery and something super intimidating, but she breaks it down make it feel more personal and helpful.


I’m pretty particular about what podcasts I’ll tune into, but this one was recommended so I decided to check it out. Bonnie is a natural at this – she offers thoughtful insights into our thoughts and emotions and why we humans fall into unhelpful patterns, then provides simple wisdom on how to reframe them. Big fan.

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