Jungle Frogs are built different
Let me set the scene for you. I’m in the jungle. I mean the real jungle in Costa Rica. I’m surrounded by strange noises in the dark. I can only see what my small head lamp is illuminating on the trail ahead of me, except for an occasional small light on the path. It is raining. I mean raining. It is more like there is a giant bucket above [...]
Post Covid
In February of 2020 I traveled to London, England where I facilitated several workshops and got a chance to visit with some friends. I used to live in London so it was lovely to visit. The reason I have such a vivid memory of the exact month I traveled is because it was the last time I would travel Pre-Covid, as many of us have begun to refer to [...]
Do I Have to Feel my Emotions?
I remember the day my father died. He had been sick with colon cancer and died quickly in the hospital only a few months after being diagnosed. My relationship with my father at that time was non-existent due to an abusive and alcohol fueled childhood. As an adult I did not include him in my life, and in fact didn’t think about him much at all. However, when he [...]
Anxiety as a Road Map
Ever hear a quiet voice way back in your head that is telling you things aren’t quite right? Maybe it floats in just as you are drifting off to sleep, and suddenly you are awake with a jolt? Or maybe the doubts show up when you are alone and there is no one to drown out the persistent nagging narrative inside your head? Or maybe it shows up whenever [...]
The Best Version of Me
I’ve always said that I learn as much from my clients as they do from me. The insights people share with me as they work on their mental health often inspire me and I believe help me to improve as a psychologist and a person. But ever so often people will share their dreams and goals and what they aspire to change and it also motivates me to take [...]
Hard Wired
Is it time to dig deep? A little over a week ago New York City hosted their annual marathon and I felt moved to go watch some of it. I purposely waited until the leaders finished and then I made my way toward Central Park in the early afternoon. As I neared the park, I began to hear the crowd cheering and the volume of people around me [...]
Fear
I'm afraid of boats. The picture here is me on a boat. You might not be able to tell from this picture but I don't like boats. In fact, I am afraid of boats. Well, I'm actually afraid of getting seasick on a boat, which happened to me on a whale watching trip. I was sick and trapped on a boat for hours. So naturally I am afraid [...]
There’s no place like home?
THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME? In November of 2005, I left the United States and moved to London. I can still remember the site of my house in Massachusetts getting smaller and smaller out the back of the taxi window on that early chilly morning. Although I had been excited and motivated to move, I suddenly had a feeling of dizziness. As we were driving away from my Massachusetts [...]
Sunshine, pigeons, and anxiety
Sunshine Pigeons 3 men standing 6 feet apart from each other having a conversation on the sidewalk Several storefronts closed and dark My view from my home office window is different these days. Also gone is the sound of constant Manhattan traffic, the seemingly incessant sirens of police and ambulances, voices from commuters walking the sidewalk and the overall hum of a busy city street. Things are quiet (except [...]
Remembering 3 Things When Negotiating With Family During the Holidays
Negotiating where to go, which family to see, which traditions to include and what to leave out on the holidays can be tricky. Whether you are married or in a relationship that requires deciding which family you see for which holiday, or having to travel and needing to decide where and when to arrive, we can all be left feeling pushed and pulled in many directions. Feelings can get [...]
THE ONE THING TO REMEMBER IN ORDER TO THRIVE DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Several years ago when I had a young family, I attempted to host an extended family holiday dinner at my house. This is no small task, as I have 7 siblings and am the second to the youngest with several nieces and nephews too! I’m not sure what I was thinking about trying to take on this job but there I was, hosting over 25 people for the first [...]
Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Brene Brown describes the phrase “comfort zone” as “where our uncertainty, scarcity, and vulnerability are minimized-where we believe we will have access to enough love, food, talent, time, admiration. Where we feel we have some control.” When described like that, it is no wonder that we don’t like to leave this special place called the “comfort zone”. Why would we intentionally challenge ourselves to move beyond where we feel [...]
It Doesn’t Mean Anything
It’s Just Not Fair Have you ever said those words to yourself? Maybe a relationship you cared about ended without warning? Maybe you lost a job or didn’t get a promotion? Or maybe you just had some bad luck and despite your hard work something failed miserably? We can struggle during these times and we tell ourselves that it shouldn’t have happened to us because we tried really hard, [...]
Moving
I recently moved house. Having moved several times before, I felt confident I knew what was ahead of me and thought if I stayed organized and prepared everything would be ok. Initially things were going well and one by one all of the “to do” items on my list began to be checked off. However, as moves go, it wasn’t without some anxious moments and stressful events. Having to [...]
Breakups Top Tip #7 Lessons Learned
My first boyfriend was 6 years older than me and everyone loved him. My family thought he was good for me because he was stable and kind. My friends were jealous because where their boyfriends were immature kids, my boyfriend lived on his own with a stable job. He was all of these things and more. He was stable, he was kind and he was mature. He would take [...]
Top Tip #6 Take Care of Yourself
Immediately after a break up it is very common for us to go through a difficult time. We may feel stunned and disconnected from reality a bit. We may find our passion for things is greatly reduced. We may not feel excited about things as much and notice our energy level is much lower than normal. People describe wanting to sleep more, not sleep at all, drink more, eat [...]
Breakup Tip #5 Unhelpful Inner Voice
We all have that internal voice that speaks to us. Sometimes it can be helpful and be a guiding force in what choice to make in a situation. Other times it can be a running dialog of unhelpful chatter in our head that keeps us from making a decision. Is your internal voice filled with negative and judgmental statements about you? Are you thinking about all of the ways [...]
Breakup Tip #3 Acceptance
Change is hard at any time. We tend to avoid it because it brings up our insecurities and can require large amounts of confidence. When we are contemplating making a change we may question our ability to handle the change we are considering. A new job, a move, and even a hairstyle change can provoke anxiety. So add change into the mix when we are going through a breakup [...]
Breakup Tip #2-Be Honest
Have you ever had a good friend break up with someone you couldn’t stand? Suddenly you feel free to speak truthfully about what you think of that person. You tell your friend how their ex wasn’t good enough for them and how they always really annoyed you... AND THEN THEY GET BACK TOGETHER!!!! It can be so awkward to have had the honest conversation with someone only to find [...]
Breakups
A relationship breakup can be extremely painful and difficult to recover from. Many of us have gone through it and although there is no one right answer, there are some tips we can all use to help us survive. I get asked for advice on how to “get over a breakup” frequently and unfortunately there are no easy answers and there is no one way. However, there are things [...]
I can just live with it
Years ago I began to get a nagging pain in my leg. At times it would randomly feel better but rarely if ever was the pain completely gone. Even when the sharp pain wasn’t around, the ache was present, like a shadow or a warning that the pain was still there, waiting to strike when I least expected it. The pain wasn’t remarkable, I’m sure many people have felt [...]
Is it Happiness I am looking for?
I woke up happy today. The feeling of excitement and possibility mixed with a dash of contentment was humming inside my chest when I opened my eyes today. As I made coffee the feeling continued, making the chore effortless. As the milk warmed and I heard the steady stream of coffee percolating, I took a deep breath and enjoyed the moment. But then my mind started to [...]
Therapy? 4 Mental Health Facts You Must Know
When I was 15 years old I was sent to see a psychologist. Although it wasn’t my idea, my family situation was complicated and as I remember it the adults in my life thought it might be helpful. I wasn’t exactly against the idea, and I do remember being curious to see what was “supposed” to happen to me during this thing called “therapy”. My therapist was a [...]
Therapist or Life Coach?
The other day I was having a conversation with someone about their therapy experience and I asked them what it was they found most and least helpful about the process. They shared many useful insights but there was one thing they mentioned that I felt was very interesting. They mentioned they wished they had a therapist that worked both as a therapist and as a life coach. We went [...]
Therapy on the go!
While on a treadmill recently I listened to a podcast, reviewed my emails, and caught up on the family news with my sister. As I looked around the gym I noticed I wasn’t the only one. Many people were multitasking while exercising and it made me think about how much technology has changed the way we perform our everyday tasks. We have all adjusted to the convenience of having [...]
Find Something
I was inspired this week by a quote that read in part, “find something deep within yourself that is truly you and cling to it” I wasn’t initially sure why it was so inspiring or why it spoke to me but as I found myself repeatedly going back to re-read the quote, I began to ask myself a few questions. How do I look within myself? How do I [...]
Asking
I’ve been thinking a lot about asking lately. Asking for what you need from someone else. I don’t know about you but there are times when I seem to think I should get a badge of honor for going without what I need. I recently heard myself say, “I’m finally asking because I’m desperate”. Why did I have to get desperate? The problem as I see it is we [...]
A pit in my stomach…have I done the right thing?
Moving to another country was filled with many emotions, but for me excitement and anxiety were at the top of the list. It was a slow build of excitement/anxiety in my belly as I moved toward the big day. Why do you suppose we experience anxiety when we are voluntarily moving? Is it fear of the unknown or just excitement mixed with fear of change? For me I believe [...]
There’s no place like home?
In November of 2005, I left the United States and moved to London. I can still remember the site of my house in Massachusetts getting smaller and smaller out the back of the taxi window on that early chilly morning. Although I had been excited and motivated to move, I suddenly had a feeling of dizziness. As we were driving away from my Massachusetts ‘home’, another part of me [...]
